Monthly Archives: September 2010

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Step Two: Recognizing Your Impasse

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The second of the Five Simple Steps is to Recognize Your Impasse. This is a crucial part of the Rapid Advance Process. Your Impasse is three-dimensional and includes: 1) a memory of a painful event; 2) how you felt at the time it happened and, 3)how you judged yourself and others at the time it happened.

Recognizing Your Impasse takes courage, introspection and self-intimacy. Most of all, you will have to be still in order to recognize it. Humans begin to distract themselves from their Impasse at a very early age because it can be overwhelming to face.

Here’s an example of how it starts. Let’s call our example Betty. Betty was the second-born in a family of three children. Her older sister was a special needs child and her parents argued frequently about how they should address the needs of her older sister. Betty was about three years old when the arguing would begin. She would hear them fighting almost every evening over treatment options while she lay in bed, trying to sleep. She was really scared during those times. Her interpretation of the events was that if she were less than a perfect child, her parents would start fighting and then perhaps leave each other and then their kids. An abandoned child would die. This was terrifying to little Betty!

While this was the erroneous thinking of a very young little girl, this thinking process set the stage for Betty’s Impasse: “I must be perfect or I will be abandoned.” When Betty was small these thoughts were overwhelming. so she began to distract herself from them. She started to suck her thumb and she began to behave in a perfect, controlled manner.

As Betty matured, so did her distractions from her “Impasse”. She grew up to be a workaholic and she smoked a lot of cigarettes. Her distractions from her Impasse were making her sick and tired. She turned to the Five Simple Steps of the Rapid Advance Process and when she Recognized the Impasse, she began to have her legitimate sadness about some tough emotional times in her childhood.

Here are the three dimensions of Betty’s Impasse: 1) the memory of her parents arguing over her special needs sister; 2) her feelings of fear and sadness when they argued; and, 3) her erroneous judgment her parents would abandon their kids and that she was unlovable to them unless she was perfect.

A good cry or two was about all it took for Betty to acknowledge her true experience and then begin to correct her earlier error in judgment. She realized that she was always lovable and acceptable just as she was. Her parents arguing was about the nature of their marital relationship and had nothing to do with their children. They argued because they were stressed out at the time. Ironically, they were stressed out because they loved their children so much.

Once Betty recognized her Impasse, she achieved an inner awareness that felt extremely liberating to her. She went into a recovery program for her addiction to nicotine and she started to think about restructuring her work calendar. Betty began to pay attention to how she built her identity and realized that she was incredibly hard on herself. As a result of her self-inflicted pressure to be perfect, she felt anxious much of the time. Betty wanted some peace of mind and joy in her life.

Recognizing Your Impasse is the pivotal and transformative step in the Rapid Advance Process. Stay tuned for Step Three: Releasing the Past.


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Women and Divorce

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Forbes came out with a blog stating that marriages are less resilient because more women are bringing in substantial incomes and are less likely to stay in bad marriages due to financial reasons. Historically women have submitted economically to men and finally, thanks to the Great Recession, are showing up with a purse of their own.

The good news about this is that historically, women would rather make love than war, and so they will opt for parting peacefully. Collaborative Divorce is a model of resolving divorce peacefully that truly fits for the contemporary woman. Hard-working women do not want to invest their wages into a fight. They will invest in a divorce process that provides great value with emotional, financial and legal resources. They will invest in a process that help their family transition into a two-household system while keeping the needs of the children in the forefront. Thank goodness, women are showing up financially ready to design a divorce that is constructive in its orientation. It’s about time!


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Step One: Reveal Your History

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Everyone has a history. Your memories, your judgment of your memories and your judgment of yourself in light of these memories have contributed to who you are and how you are. Looking at your history is empowering in that the more conscious you become of it, the more able you become to re-frame painful aspects of your history that may be stopping you from showing up in your best self. Revealing your history is not about blaming others or seeing oneself as a victim. To reveal is to become more intimate with oneself. The closer you get to your true experience, the stronger you become in your sense of self. Who would be courageous and share a painful historical event that contributed to who you are today?


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The Rapid Advance Process: 5 Simple Steps

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Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Are you stressed? Afraid? Hurting? Abandoned? Burnt out? Struggling? Depressed? Anxious? Come journey with me through the five simple steps of the Rapid Advance Process. Here they are:

1. Reveal your history
2. Recognize your Impasse
3. Release your past
4. Respond to fear
5. Reconnect with your Higher Thinking

We will experience these five steps that will transform your thinking into a powerful, peaceful, abundance magnet! You can read more about Rapid Advance in my book, The Bridge to I Am.


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Just Stop Doing That!

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Look for the Just Stop series utilizing the five simple steps of the Rapid Advance Process for getting rid of bad habits!